i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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