I skipped work to stalk him.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize