I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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