Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize