Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
