i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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