I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
The power of my boobs compel you
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
