ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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