I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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