sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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