How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
