i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
