I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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