what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize