Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
