There is no way he is gay with that hair.
do herpes really smell.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
