We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
