Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
