I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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