I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
