It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
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