Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
