just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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