I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
