One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
