My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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