Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
