The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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