What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
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