just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
