i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize