Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
