she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
