This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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