Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
