So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
