true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You need Xanax blowdarts
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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