i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
