the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize