I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
