The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
