Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
