i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
How does one acquire holy water?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
