Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
