Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
PANTIES FOUND
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