I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize