At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
