It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
