God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Don't tell me you're on acid again
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
