Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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