There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize