I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
