Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
