I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
