I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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