Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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