I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
