I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize