He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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