How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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