Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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