i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
