I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
