Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
