i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
