so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
