I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
my nose is crying tears of wow.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
