I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
